Realizing
by MmmDemCheesebuns
Summary: John Watson has done it again, gotten into a mess he isn't sure he can clean up. But this time it is a mess of feelings. Johnlock, rating will possibly go up.


_Just a side note, horizontal lines mean change in perspective, ellipses (...) represent time lapses. First perspective is Mr. Sherlock Holmes. Enjoy! _

* * *

_**Chapter One**_

It was a bit ridiculous really. There was no other way to describe it, it was just dreadful.

Such a waste.

Sherlock laid on couch in his usual position as his room mate shuffled around the kitchen making himself tea.

Sherlock almost felt bad for the bloke, seeing as he'll never love him back.

John has always shown signs of attraction to him, but most people did. Only with John it got worse with time.

Sherlock realized about a week ago that not only was John totally gay, but that he was in love with him.

Head over heels.

He didn't know how to handle it without loosing his best and only friend, but if he wasn't going to show signs of acting on it then neither would Sherlock. Sherlock would just pretend that he had no idea until the shorter man made a move.

He hoped he wouldn't be too upset after the rejection. Sherlock usually was sloppy and careless with rejections, using words that typically hurt the other party, but with him, Sherlock wanted to make sure he didn't hurt him.

It all started one day at the yard, he was looking over pictures with Dovovan, Lestrade andDonovann. They were all shuffling through the photos with John loitering in the background, as usual. After he snapped at Anderson for being a complete moron, he turned around to ask John a question and was only greeted by dilated pupils and flushed cheeks. He was leaning over the table at the time with Donovan and the angle Sherlock was standing at triggered something in the good doctor he was probably too afraid to notice before. Of course Sherlock considered the idea of John blushing because Donovan was wearing one of he many skirts that were far too tight, but John looked started and surprised, and he wasn't making eye contact with the taller man. His look was that of shock, paranoia and fear.

That's when Sherlock knew he was gay. He also knew that embarrassing John by bringing him out of the closet in front of Lestrade (he could care less about Donovan and Anderson) was a good way to loose a room mate. So he was considerate for selfish reasons.

The detective figured the in love bit almost immediately after, when John was short of breath and shy for the rest of the evening. His skin continued to be flushed and his pulse was quick when he handed Sherlock a file.

Even afterwards, when Lestrade, Sherlock and John went out for a pint after they had solved the painfully easy case at hand John was still the same. He didn't drink much, as if he didn't want to let his guard down and slip up.

It was really a shame, Sherlock was not only asexual, but incapable of love.

He hoped the rejection would never have to come.

* * *

"John you are a man."

"John you are human."

"John, you're gay"

He looked up at himself in the mirror, finishing his chant. It once again did nothing to help with how Eyes tired, stubble coating his chin.

It had been a rough two nights for John Watson.

He assumed it was some people might call "gay panic."

There he was, about a week ago at the Yard just like every other night with all the same people. Then he found himself checking out the butt of someone. He remembered thinking it was a very nice butt. And suddenly the owner of the butt turned around and John's jaw dropped.

He had never realized he had felt this way. He knew that he sometimes thought about men, but never HIM. Never in a million years.

As the week went on as he continued working with The Yard it only got worse. He just ignored it, even though it was quite obvious how John felt.

John thought it was just because they worked together, but you don't day dream about your colleague.

John was certain that he knew, he knew all about his silly crush.

It was never going to happen, ever.

It's not like John wanted to kiss him, and cuddle him, and be with him.

Not at all.

"Damn it." John whispered harshly under his breath.

John pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head as if trying to shake out the ridiculousness of it all, he was used to crazy things happening to him but the craziness being caused by himself was new.

"John would you hurry up?"

Johns stomach did flips.

He wasn't ready to face this.

"You are a man John Watson!" He chanted once more before heading downstairs, with his stomach doing flips.

...

He stared at the floor during the cab ride to The Yard. He wasn't ready to face it. He said nothing and did nothing other than breathe. He felt as if it would just be easier to disappear and that is exactly what he wanted to do.

As they walked into The Yard and John tried to straighten himself out but with no success. He scolded himself, saying that he wasn't ready and he shouldn't have come.

His nerves were set on fire as soon as he heard his voice again, booming through the entire room. Making orders, god he was so amazing.

John couldn't help but stare.

And then there he was again, bent over in the same insane position. John was beside himself.

John was obviously staring at him when he heard him speak.

"John" he asked and he snapped out of it. A rush of nerves washing over him.

"Yes, what is it?" John said quickly, acting like a loyal dog while silently scorning himself for doing so.

"Can you bring us those files over there?" he asked simply, eyes still on the table.

"Yeah, of course." John would do anything for that Man.

He handed over the box, avoiding his eyes. "I'm going to go grab some coffee" he needed to get out of that room.

He briskly left but heard jogging behind him. Oh god.

"Hey John?" he turned around and greeted the man.

"Yeah?"

"I was just wondering if you maybe wanted to go out after this?"

Johns stomach did flips.

"Uh yeah sure, don't we usually?" He chuckled lightly trying to comort himself. This was the first time he had spoken to him in days.

"Yeah, but I was thinking just you and me? Like, on a date type thing? I wasn't sure if you played for the other team or whatever, but I noticed you staring at me and I have had a thing for you for a while now so I thought I'd give it a shot?" His eyes turned to the floor.

John's head was spinning. "Uh yeah, I'm sorry I was staring..I guess you could say that I had a thing for you too. So...uh" John's nerves were taking over and he trailed off.

"So, that's a yes then?" He said with a hopeful voice.

"Yeah, I would love to go on a date with you Greg." he said, blush forming on his cheeks. His smile stretched across his face.

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_Well well well, here were are. Chapter one and already have a cliff hanger. Short I know, but once the story get's farther along that is sure to change! I hope you liked it! Chapter two will be up shortly! Don't forget to review and follow alright? Tell me what you think, and what you think will happen next! oxoxo I love you Duckies!_


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